I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
