called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
