Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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