Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
