Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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