It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
