Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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