Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
