When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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