who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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