??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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