just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
