Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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