FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize