I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
