We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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