Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
