So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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