Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
