I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
