Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
