if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
