so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
