My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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