i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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