to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
