I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
