Welp...herpes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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