You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
