if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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