That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
