Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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