i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
