I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
