Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
