his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
