No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize