Pappa wants mamma naked
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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