He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
