I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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