Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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