Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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