My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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