if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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