And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
