Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
