Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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