Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
