u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
