We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
