i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
