woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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