He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
