Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
