When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
