I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
