I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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