Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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