I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
